Downfall of Being an Astronaut

This was a brief conversation between me and one of my students with Autism.  You'll find that their answers and explanations make perfect sense sometimes.

While discussing occupations, a card on astronauts came up.

Me:  What is an astronaut's job?
Student:  To go up into space. 
Me:  What do you think they do up there?
Student:  I don't know.
Me:  You think they explore space?
Student:  I think so.
Me:  Would you like to ever become an astronaut?
Student:  No, I don't think so.
Me:  Why not?
Student:  Because it's too far from my house (with a sad look on his face). 

That answer totally melted my heart.  His answer was completely logical, and I am in complete agreement.  

Neighborhood Drama

So this isn't a conversation I had with one of my students, nor it is funny, but rather, it's a conversation I overheard between two, I would say early school age (about 6-7) kids, while I was walking Layla and Bruno.

They were playing with what looked like foam swords (or pool noodles), that required some assembly (I can't remember what they had in their hands). They were trying to grab it from each other.

Kid # 1:  I can do it!  I don't need your help!
Kid # 2:  Fine!  I'm leaving.
Kid # 1:  What? You're leaving?
Kid # 2:  Yeah, because you said you can do it yourself!
Kid # 1:  But, but... I thought you were my best friend...
Kid # 2:  I am, but I just can't talk to you right now.

At this point, I've passed the kids and I turn around to see Kid # 1, standing in the middle of the street, head down, looking completely defeated, and Kid # 2 walking away into his garage.  It kind of broke my heart.  Oh elementary school problems.  

School Spirit

While I was working with a group of 4 students, one student came into my room upset because he did not get a doughnut for school spirit day.  He was very upset because even though he was wearing his black and gold, he was missed for some reason.  It can be difficult to deescalate students sometimes when they are all worked up about something and this was one of those times.  The other students chimed in and the conversation went something like this:

Student 1:  I have school spirit too, I'm wearing black and gold!
Me:  That's awesome, did you get doughnut?
Student 1:  No, but do you want to see my black and gold?
Me:  Yeah, sure!
Student 1:  Here is my black (points to his black shoe), and here is my gold!  (He opens the flap of his jeans to show me his zipper).
Me:  Oh!  Yes that is gold, but...
Student 2:  Oh hey I have gold too! (also opens the flap of this jeans to reveal his gold zipper).
Student 3: Me too!!!!  (does the same)

I realize everyone's hands are on their private areas...ahhhhhh!!!!!

Me: OK everyone, I see the gold, but let's keep our hands away from our pants!!

Just then, the teachers distributing doughnuts for School Spirit day walked in to give everyone a doughnut.  Thank goodness, lol.

Speaking of zippers, I was working with another student and I noticed that his zipper was down.

Me:  Oh, your zipper is down, you should zip it up!
Student:  Naw, I'm ok.

You just can't make this stuff up! 

The New North Pole

A student of mine (Justin "Beaver" hater), who is seventeen with Autism, has been perseverating on the existence of Santa Claus these past few weeks.  Several times he has mentioned to me that he gets very upset when people tell him that Santa Claus doesn't exist and that he is really our parents.  This is how a recent conversation went with him.

TJ:  Ms. Sabio, are you looking forward to December?
Me:  Well, I'm looking forward to my summer first and then I look forward to the holidays in December.  Are you looking forward to December?
TJ:  Yes I am.
Me: How come?
TJ:  I'm excited to prove a rumor wrong that has been going on for millions of centuries.
Me:  So what are you going to prove wrong in December?
TJ:  That Santa is NOT actually our parents!
Me:  How are you going to prove that?
TJ:  Well, I'm going to go to Lancaster with a group of people.
Me:  What's in Lancaster?
TJ:  Where we'll see Santa and his sleigh take off.
Me:  Why can't you see that here in Santa Clarita?
TJ:  I have a better view in Lancaster.

There you have it folks.  Santa Claus begins his Christmas eve in Lancaster.  Lancaster has been described as dry, dirty, bleak, the second armpit of California, and even the methamphetamine capital of the US.  Why Santa Claus would choose to begin Christmas eve from there is beyond me.

Hidden Rule # 313: Never Assume a Woman is Pregnant

Sometimes, I'll go down to PE to see the kids in their "natural environment" and after signing some yearbooks, I was approached by one of my most, let's say colorful students.  Let's call him, David. 

Let me preface this by saying I was wearing a fitted, striped tank top and a long skirt. 

David:  Ms. Sabio, looks like you're having a baby! (all smiles, he was!)
Me (looking down at my stomach and sighing):  No, I'm not actually.
David:  I'm just saying, looks like you are having a baby!
Me:  Nope, that's just my pooch, which means I must pull up my skirt a little bit now.   

He said this in front of other students and 4 other staff members.

#mortified

It's time for me to workout EVEN MORE!  Or take chocolate out of my diet completely.  

Parent Responsibility

I'm not even going to set up the scene, the exchange will speak for itself.  I was working with two students and here goes a conversation I will NEVER forget.

Names have been changed for privacy, as always.  Meet Tom and Bob.

Tom: Ms. Sabio, did I just masturbate?
Me: What?!  Why would you ask me that?!
Tom:  Because I just touched myself and you looked at me.

(My mind is spinning...)

Me:  I looked at you because I was talking to you!
Tom: Oh.

(I have no idea what's happening right now...)

Bob:  What's masturbate?

(Before I could wrap my mind around where this conversation was going...)

Tom:  It's when you touch yourself (so matter of fact).  Ms. Sabio is it ok to touch myself?
Me: No, not here in the speech room.
Tom:  Where then?
Me: Um...in the bathroom, at home?  You should most definitely talk to your parents about this.
Tom:  Oh ok.

Oh, my, goodness.  Yes this really happened.
I am not trained to explain this stuff to teenage boys.

Lesson to parents:  Please educate your teens about sexual maturity, please!  This is most definitely beyond my scope of practice.

Bieber versus Beaver

Every Wednesday, I go into a classroom to do a speech lesson on various higher level language or pragmatic language topics and before I began my lesson one day, one of my students, we'll call him TJ, initiated conversation with me by saying:

"Ms. Sabio, I hate Justin Beaver.  Sometimes I just want to go on Facebook and spray paint his face."

As funny as I thought that was (because I myself am not a Justin Beiber fan), I had to use this as a teaching moment (so many of those!).  You can't do that to people on FB, blah, blah, it's a form of cyber bullying, he never did anything to you, etc...  Then I asked him why he hated Justin Bieber.  "I hate him because he has all of this money and I don't have any of it."Another teaching moment on jealousy was discussed. 

Me:  Well, he worked really hard to earn all of that money.  You've got to do the same if you want to be successful.

TJ:  Ok (he said begrudgingly).  

Another student chimes in, "yeah, I don't like Justin Beaver either, he looks like a girl!"  and other students proceed to go on "yeah, looks like a girl," or "I really don't like Justin Beaver!"

Me:  You guys know that it's Justin BeiBer with a "b" right? Not Beaver?"

Student (in a very annoyed tone):  I bet he has a beaver...

I immediately ended the conversation and began my lesson.  That could've gone a whole 'nother direction :-/


  

Hummus and Pita Chips

One of the foods I'm obsessed with eating for a snack right now are pita chips and hummus.  I was munching on some when one of my favorite students comes in (Korean student with an interdental /s/).  Let's call him *Bryce.  So Bryce sits down at the table and the other two walk in, sit down, and I join them.  And this is my brief conversation with Bryce.

Bryce:  Ms. Sabio, you should chew your gum.

Me:  Oh, is it my breath?

Bryce:  Yeah, you just need some fresh breath (as he backs away from me).

Me:  Oh, I'm  so sorry, I was eating pita chips and hummus.

He was saying these things so matter of fact!  It was actually quite embarrassing in front of my assistant and the other students:-/  Immediately I popped in a mint, came back to group and he said "much better," and gave me a little smile.

Gotta love these kids and their brutal, endearing, honesty.  

Filters

A lot of students I work with have difficulty using filters during conversation, which is one of the characteristics of a pragmatic language disorder.  While I'm sharing this story for the purpose of humor, these incidents are prime examples of student difficulties with social language and also an example of teaching moments. In these teaching moments, i explain why their comments were inappropriate and it's also a chance to discuss better choices of words next time around.

I was working with a small group one day, and we'll call them *John, *Mike, and *Jim.  All of these students are on the Autism Spectrum.  One of the DIS counselors came into my room and asked to see John for a quick second regarding some paperwork.  A lot of the students I work with such as John, can be highly anxious at times, and likes routines.   When there is a disruption in their routine, they can be thrown off and as a result can become very distressed to the point of meltdown.  

With that being said, John didn't hear the quick second, jumped up out of his seat and yelled quite loudly, "I don't want to go with you, you old hag!"  My first thought was, "that's a first, I've never heard "old hag" used as an insult before," my second inappropriate thought was "hilarious!" but because I HAVE a filter, I did not laugh and thought, " a teaching moment has presented itself."  I explained to John that what he said to the DIS counselor was not nice, and that he needs to apologize, which he did, quite sincerely.  The DIS counselor explained to John why she needed him for a short period of time and his response was "oh."  He left with her and when he returned, I used this opportunity to work the group and help him come up with alternatives way to react, versus what he did.  

Another instance with John was when I was once again working with him in a small group.  He comes in and immediately says:  

John: Ms. Sabio, hi. I'm not in a good mood today.

Me: I'm sorry John, how come?

John: It's because I'm tired.  I'm tired because I had to wake up early.  My mom woke me up early and now I'm tired.  That curse-d woman!!

He seems to be an old soul when it comes to insulting others, calling them "old hag" and "that curse-d woman."  I had to use my filter and not laugh, because, once again, I thought it was hilarious.  This was another teaching moment and I had to redirect his choice of words.  As always, he was apologetic and begged me not to tell his mom.  John really is a sweet kid, but I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of his bad mood.  Who knows what he would call me!!

Skinny Jeans and Pink Eye...all within one conversation

I have the privilege of not only working with students in the high school setting, but also kids within the private practice setting.  This is a HILARIOUS conversation (at least it was to me) between me and one of my kiddos (9 years old) working on word finding.  He saw a picture of my pugs Layla and Bruno, and proceeded to tell me that he was a dog person and not a cat person.  The conversation was supposed to be about how he was not a cat person. but turned into this...

C:  So one of my friends thinks that I'm her boyfriend, but I'm not.  She just likes me.   But her older sister, likes to hit me and slap me and run away too.

Me: Oh, she likes you too.

C:  No she doesn't!  She hits me!

Me:  That's what girls your age do to show you that they like you.

C:  Well, I guess those sisters like me.  You know what else?  These 2 sixth graders like me!

Me:  Oh really?  Wow!

C:  Even girls I don't know like me!  Especially when I'm at the mall and I'm in my skinny jeans...

(I start laughing out loud!)  He goes on...

C:  I have two pairs of skinny jeans!  Anyway, about those sisters, they have cats and I'm not a cat person.  I get invited to their house, but I don't like going there.  Not because of them, but because they have cats and every time I go there, I get pink eye!

Me:  What?  Pink eye?  Gross!

C:  Yeah!  My eyes get all watery and I sneeze.

Me:  Ooohhh, you mean allergies, not pink eye!  (I'm laughing my a** off at this point).

C:  Oh yeah, allergies.  Oops.

Yeah...  don't confuse the two, lol.  Glad I could help him differentiate...  Word finding indeed.

Feeling Loved and Rejected. Mostly Rejected.

This post is about one my favorite students.  He's a ninth grader of Korean descent.  He has a slight interdental /s/ (lisp) and due to Korean most likely being his first language, his syntax is, for a lack of a better term, all screwy.  BUT he gets his message across most of the time, so not much concern there.

This is not about one specific instance, but just his "-isms" in general.  I see him twice a week (students LOVE that! #sarcasm).  I'll go into his classroom to pull him, and he's talking to one of his buddies and he sees me.  His face drops from a smile to a frown and some of the comments I've gotten are:

"Oh, it's you again."

"I just saw you yesterday!"

"What do you want this time?"

Oh, I feel so loved!!  What's funny is, on days that I didn't pull him out of class, I'll bump into him after school or after the class I normally pull him from, and he'll say:

"Hi Ms. Favia, (had a hard time saying my name at the beginning of the school year), you are the breeze of the love!"

Now that warmed my heart, until I heard I wasn't the only teacher he says that to.  

Recycling

One of the things that I work on in therapy is categories.  I was working with a group of students and we started discussing the word recycling.  The kids defined it and then we proceeded to come up with different items that can be recycled.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  What are some things that can be recycled?

Student # 1:  Not sure.

Me: How about cans and bottles?

Student # 2:  Yes!  

Me: How about newspapers and magazines?

Student # 2: Yeah, newspapers and magazines too!   

Student # 1:  Magazines?  You mean like the ones with the swimsuit models on them?

Me (with what I think was a shocked look on my face): yes, those can be recycled as well.

Student # 1:  Yeah, my dad brings them home for me and my brother, but we don't tell mom.

Me:  Ok!  Let's move on to another category...

...things that make you wonder why dad is bringing home those types of magazines for his teenage sons??  Maybe it's a father/son thing?  

Why I created this blog

My name is Krystle and I've been a Speech Language Pathologist for 6 years.  I must preface this blog by saying that I LOVE my job and all the kids with whom I have had the pleasure of working.  What I love most about my job is that everyday is different.  While the job can be frustrating at times with paperwork and meetings, my joy comes from actually getting to sit down and working with these kids and listening to the things they have to say, and boy do they have things to say!    

The kids I work with have a variety of special needs such as Autism, Down's Syndrome, cognitive delay, Speech or Language Impairment, etc.  The "-isms," as I'm calling them, can be a result of pragmatic language disorder or language disorder.  And while most of the time, these "-isms" make me laugh, a lot of the time, these moments turn into teaching moments.  We're able to discuss the appropriateness of what to say in that situation and what to do next time.

Either way, hope you'll be as entertained as I was by the "-isms" of my students.